Letters – A combative Musk, JD Vance Lack of American Civics

This is the place where I sift through the mailbag, read what you have to say, and try not to lose even more faith in humanity. Let’s do it!

Dear Krotchett,

Elon Musk keeps getting into weird fights online—now he’s arguing with scientists about whether or not the moon landing was real. Should someone take his phone away?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Take his phone away? We need to take away his internet access, his Twitter account, and possibly his caffeine privileges.

Musk used to be a guy who built rockets. Now he’s a guy who posts like a conspiracy theorist with Wi-Fi in a basement. Every day, he’s picking a fight with someone—scientists, journalists, his own investors. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if he challenged a dolphin to a debate about physics.

Elon isn’t a genius. He’s a Reddit comment section with a net worth. And the more time he spends yelling at people online, the more it becomes obvious that maybe we shouldn’t have let him build self-driving cars.

Dear Krotchett,

Trump threw a tantrum on Truth Social because Taylor Swift got booed at the Super Bowl. He’s now obsessed with her and Travis Kelce, acting like they’re part of some deep-state conspiracy. Should Taylor even respond, or just let him flail?

Signed – Not too Swftie

Dear Not to,
Oh, she should respond—but not in the way Trump wants. She should just post, “Thanks for the free promo, Donnie! Go stream my new album!” and watch his head explode.

You have to understand: Trump doesn’t hate Taylor Swift. He’s jealous of Taylor Swift. She’s everything he wants to be—beloved, influential, and capable of selling out a stadium without bribing people to show up.

Dear Krotchett,

Vice President J.D. Vance says judges don’t have the authority to block presidential actions, which sounds an awful lot like “checks and balances are optional.” Weren’t conservatives the ones always screaming about judicial overreach? How did we get here?

Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

J.D. Vance. Once a self-proclaimed critic of Trump, now just another guy in MAGA’s human centipede. His latest argument—that courts don’t get to stop the president from doing whatever he wants—is about as legally sound as a Mediteranean carpet merchant selling the Coka Cola logo to Canada Dry.

For a guy who wrote a whole book about the decay of American values, he sure seems eager to turn the country into a banana republic. What Vance is really saying is: Rules are for Democrats, kings are for Republicans. If this were a Democratic president, he’d be on Fox News weeping about tyranny. But since it’s Trump, suddenly the Constitution is more of a choose-your-own-adventure.