Cluck and Dagger: Why Chickens Are Being Secretly Deported to El Salvador

Well, folks, I hate to break it to you, but the price of your morning omelet isn’t going up because of grain shortages, bird flu, or inflation. No, the real reason eggs are starting to cost more than concert tickets is a federal poultry purge. Specifically: brown egg-laying chickens are being deported — in the dead of night — to El Salvador.

You heard that right. Midnight flights. No notice. No clucks of appeal. Just a quick scoop into the crate and off to the tarmac. These hardworking hens — many of whom have laid brown eggs for generations right here on American soil — are being rounded up by what appears to be a repurposed wing of Trump’s ICE squad.

Apparently, after years of deporting humans with barely a whisper of resistance, they figured, “Hey, why stop at people when we can also disappear poultry?” And so Operation Yolkstorm was hatched. Brown egg layers were deemed “aesthetic outliers” and “nutritional anarchists,” and targeted for quiet removal. This was the perfect scheme, everyone simply assumed that the bird-flu epidemic was getting worse.

We stand with immigrants who’ve been ripped from their families, jobs, and communities. What’s happening to them is heartbreaking and unjust. But that very injustice is the point: when government overreach becomes normalized — when people are removed without due process — don’t be surprised when the chickens are next.

And it’s not just about the birds. This is about control, consolidation, and a creeping corporate vision of egg purity. Those pale supermarket eggs? They come from hyper-regulated factory hens, bred to produce indistinguishable ovals of capitalist perfection. The brown egg? Too real. Too rustic. Too… suspiciously socialist.

So next time you’re staring at a $9.49 price tag on a carton and wondering who to blame — it’s not the farmer. It’s not the chickens and it’s certainly not immigrants. Blame the unmarked cargo jets, the secret lists, and the MAGA bureaucrats who decided breakfast diversity was too dangerous to tolerate.