An Asteroid: The One Event That Might Actually Shut Up Fake News
Good news, folks! A city-sized asteroid might smack Earth in 2032, and if we’re lucky, it’ll spare us from yet another soul-crushing election cycle. No more endless debates, campaign ads, or awkward family arguments at Thanksgiving—just a swift, decisive end to the madness.
Scientists are analyzing its trajectory, while politicians argue over how to spin the news. Some are calling it a warning from above, others are blaming the other party for not funding asteroid defense. CNN is debating whether it’s a crisis or an opportunity, while Fox News suggests liberal policies weakened Earth’s gravitational shield.
Elon Musk insists he can build a rocket to intercept it—for the right price. Ron DeSantis is proposing we don’t talk about it in schools. Jeff Bezos is advertising an asteroid-proof bunker, available only to Prime members. Meanwhile, the Pentagon is considering a military response, because when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a target.
Conspiracy theorists claim it’s all a distraction, and cable news is breathlessly speculating on how it will impact the 2032 primaries—assuming we make it that far. Maybe we should just enjoy the break from all the noise while we can. After all, how often do we get an exit strategy this convenient?
