Government Websites Just Got Smarter – By Removing Everything

The good old days of government websites—bloated with expert opinions, pesky facts, and those annoying “updates” cluttering up the place. Who needs ‘em? Thankfully, in this brave new era of efficiency, we’ve finally solved the problem: New .gov websites!

No pages. No updates. No webmasters. No pesky “information.” Just a blank screen—perhaps a single, beautifully empty page that simply says, “Trust us.” You don’t have to wade through complex statistics, research reports, or expert analysis anymore. The truth is such a messy thing, and let’s be honest—who has time for it? The new system is much cleaner. Easy to read. Never changes. A real win for the taxpayer!

It’s the same spirit of innovation that brought us a social media billionaire, he and his DOGE team are slashing government workers—the ones who updated weather forecasts, managed economic reports, and, you know, kept track of disease outbreaks—their websites are getting the same courtesy. These “so-called experts” only confused the narrative, anyway. And confusion leads to thinking, and we all know what a slippery slope that is.

Need to check the national debt? No worries, it hasn’t changed! Need to know about a recent natural disaster? If it’s not listed, it didn’t happen! Want to confirm when your taxes are due? Just send what you can, whenever, and we’ll let you know if it’s wrong (probably not, though, because we lost the tax auditors, too).

Gone are the days of endless .gov rabbit holes that make you question things. Now, you can visit a government website and feel comforted, not burdened by an overwhelming deluge of information. This is a revolution in communication—where the most effective message is silence. No more pesky facts getting in the way of a good narrative.

The best part? Massive savings on the federal budget! Think of all the money we’ve been wasting on hosting databases, employing researchers, and updating policy documents. The new system costs practically nothing because, well… it does practically nothing!

Of course, some naysayers will claim that a government website should be useful or accurate. But let’s be real: if you wanted real-time information, wouldn’t you rather just get it from a meme, an influencer, or a billionaire’s offhand tweet? This is Next-Gen Governance, folks—simplified, streamlined, and conveniently unburdened by facts!

So go ahead, check out your favorite .gov sites. Stare into the void. Admire the clarity. And remember: the less you know, the happier you’ll be.

Be sure to check the Krotchett Podcast on your favorite provider here or over at YouTube!