More Letters to Krotchett

LETTERS is where baffled citizens send their burning questions about politics and culture, and Krotchett responds with all of the wit, sarcasm, brutal honesty he can muster with his two second attention span.

Dear Krotchett,

I was recently laid off from my federal job due to budget cuts. How am I supposed to trust a government that can’t even keep its own employees?

Frustrated in Federal Way

Dear Frustrated,

Ah, the sweet irony of a government preaching job creation while handing out pink slips like party favors. Perhaps they believe in the trickle-down effect of unemployment. Trusting the the MAGA government to keep its promises is like trusting a cat to guard your goldfish.

Good luck!

Dear Krotchett,

I voted Republican in the last election, but now I’m having second thoughts. Is it too late to change my mind?

Regretful in Redmond

Dear Regretful,

Welcome to the club of voters experiencing buyer’s remorse. Changing your mind is as American as switching cable providers when the promo rate expires. The good news is you can always change countries.

Best, Krotchett

Dear Krotchett,

My spouse, a lawmaker, has gone all-in on supporting Trump. How do I cope with the constant political drama at home?

Distressed in D.C.

Dear Distressed,

Ah, pillow talk that doubles as a political rally—how romantic. Consider investing in noise-canceling headphones and a good therapist. Remember, it’s not forever; just until the next election cycle or divorce, whichever comes first.

Hang in there, Krotchett

Dear Krotchett,

As a concerned citizen, I’m baffled by the recent surge in UFO sightings. Should I be worried about an alien invasion, or is this just another distraction?

Perplexed in Pasco

Dear Perplexed,

Given the current state of affairs, an alien invasion might be a welcome change. At least extraterrestrials might have a coherent plan.

Keep watching the skies, Krotchett