Next Weeks News – Trumph’s Inauguration, iPhone’s Invisibility Mode and Competitive Ironing
With all of America’s billionaires putting their money into Trumps inauguration and buy-off initiatives, there’s not a lot of money left for America’s necessities, so Congress is forced to deal with the national debt in other ways. In a bold move, Congress has announced plans to launch a GoFundMe campaign titled “Save America: Spare Some Change?” Lawmakers are optimistic that citizen donations will bridge the trillion-dollar gap, with tiered rewards including “I Donated” stickers and exclusive tours of the Capitol’s underground tunnels.
In Health
The CDC has issued a new advisory warning that “Sitting is the New Smoking.” In response, major corporations are introducing “Treadmill Desks” to keep employees moving. Early reports suggest a 300% increase in workplace accidents, but a significant decrease in employee lethargy.
In Silicon Valley:
In a surprising turn of events, tech giant Apple has announced the iPhone 27, featuring a revolutionary “Invisibility Mode.” While the device itself remains visible, the screen content becomes invisible to everyone, including the user, ensuring absolute privacy. Pre-orders are already sold out, despite the device’s $5,000 price tag.
Finally in Sports:
The International Olympic Committee has unveiled plans to include “Extreme Ironing” as an official sport in the 2028 Games. Athletes worldwide are already training to press shirts on mountain tops, underwater, and during skydives. Critics argue it’s a wrinkle in the fabric of traditional sports, but supporters say it’s a pressing matter of modern athleticism.
