Trump’s Harvard Heist: The MAGA Manifesto Gets Marx-y

So Donald Trump, the orange man who never met a gold toilet he didn’t want to tweet from, has now decided that Harvard — Harvard! — should fork over its trust-fund billions so we can funnel money into trade schools. You heard that right. He wants to take endowment money from America’s richest, snobbiest, most tax-sheltered ivory tower and use it to help train electricians and welders.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love electricians and welders. Without them, the lights don’t turn on and my aluminum hip would still be in the parts drawer. But the idea of Donald J. Trump suddenly going full Karl Marx, storming the gates of Harvard Yard with a MAGA-branded sickle and hammer, is too rich even for Harvard’s portfolio.

Let’s be real: this is wealth redistribution. And not the sneaky kind where billionaires pump up the stock market and call it “trickle-down.” This is big, loud, red-hat-wearing redistribution. Robin Hood, but in a golf cart.

Now before the GOP faithful start choking on their $12-a-jar Patriot Pickles, let’s take a quick tour down memory lane.

Remember 2020? When the Trump administration doled out Paycheck Protection Program loans to multimillionaire pastors, yacht clubs, and Jared Kushner’s personal espresso machine? And then forgave the loans? That’s socialism for the rich, baby — pure state-funded capitalism cosplay.

Or how about when Trump told the Treasury to send out COVID checks with his name on them — like he was paying out of pocket, instead of dipping into Uncle Sam’s wallet like a raccoon at a Vegas buffet? Direct cash infusions to the masses. Sounds like… a stimulus? You mean the thing Republicans used to compare to heroin for the economy?

And let’s not forget tariffs. You know, that brilliant move where Trump slapped taxes on imported Chinese goods, spooked farmers across America, then bailed them out with subsidies. Midwest welfare, y’all. Reagan wept.

But now, in 2025, the man has truly outdone himself. Trump’s solution to America’s education gap? Mug Harvard in broad daylight and toss the loot to auto mechanic schools. It’s like watching Ayn Rand rewrite Les Misérables.

Let’s not pretend Trump is some principled warrior for the working class. The man stiffs contractors like it’s a religion. But every election cycle, he dusts off his hardhat and pretends to be the love child of Joe Sixpack and Rosie the Riveter.

In conclusion, if you woke up this morning wondering whether American politics could get weirder — surprise! A Republican front-runner just proposed an idea that would make Castro double-check his playbook.

Welcome to 2025: where Trump is the class warrior, Harvard is the enemy, and satire has to sprint just to keep up.