The Economic Perspective of the Young and the Clueless

Youth—the golden years of terrible economic decisions. Back in my day, we called it “being broke.” Now they call it “self-care.”

Let’s start with priorities. You’ve got 23-year-olds financing a $1,200 iPhone they can’t afford while using it to Google “why am I broke?” Maybe because you just took out a small business loan to play Wordle in 4K? But sure, keep calling that iPhone an “investment”—maybe Apple will start cutting you dividend checks for all those BeReal selfies.

Then there’s the sacred ritual of dining out. Why cook a $3 meal at home when you can DoorDash a $19 avocado toast and pay an extra $7 for “priority delivery”? Gotta love a generation that thinks wealth inequality is evil but will happily tip a gig worker ten bucks to bike across town in the rain with their oat milk latte.

But nothing says “financial wisdom” quite like subscription services. These kids don’t have a savings account, but they’ve got Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, HBO Max, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Spotify, YouTube Premium, and whatever the hell “Crunchyroll” is. At this point, they’re paying more for monthly entertainment than their grandparents paid for a mortgage. And the best part? Half of them are still using their ex’s password.

Speaking of financial wizardry, let’s talk about credit repair services. Nothing screams “smart money moves” like paying $99 a month to a website that claims it can “magically” erase your bad decisions. Here’s an idea: Instead of giving your last $100 to some guy named “Brad” at Credit Fix Now dot biz, how about… I don’t know, not buying stuff you can’t afford?

And let’s talk cars. When I was young, you drove whatever rusted pile of bolts you could afford. Now, I see kids financing Teslas and BMWs on barista salaries, claiming it’s “an investment.” In what? Impressing strangers at red lights? News flash: if your car payment is bigger than your rent, congratulations—you now live in your car. But hey, at least you can charge your phone in there while you stream a TikTok finance guru telling you how to be rich in 10 easy steps.

Then, of course, there’s the big one: buying a house. Or, rather, not buying a house. I love hearing young people complain that they “can’t afford a down payment” right before they tap their phone to buy a $9 kombucha, a $22 Uber ride, and a $200 concert ticket for a band they discovered last week. They act like a mortgage is some mysterious, unattainable relic of the past. Meanwhile, their grandparents bought a house by age 25 with a single paycheck and the change they found in the couch cushions. Crazy how working and saving money used to get you things.

But hey, who am I to judge? I just can’t wait for this generation to hit their 50s, look at their savings accounts, and realize the only equity they built was in Starbucks reward points.

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