Trump Wrecks Science, Courts, and Foreign Aid—Meanwhile, Media Struggles Without Swift
Welcome back to another week in Trumpmerica, where competence is optional, and chaos is policy. Here’s what’s making the news—other than the ongoing mystery of how Trump still has supporters who can read.
Trump Layoffs Hit the Pacific Northwest – Because Who Needs Nuclear Safety?
Trump’s budget-slashing spree has axed engineers and researchers at Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, the Hanford cleanup project, and beyond. Because, obviously, America has no need for nuclear security or environmental protection. Next up, replacing scientists with Mar-a-Lago waitstaff—because loyalty matters more than expertise.
Trump’s Anti-Christian Bias Initiative – Who Knew He Cared?
Despite Christianity dominating American life, Trump has decided the faith needs extra protection—from itself. His new “anti-Christian bias” initiative is raising eyebrows, maybe because the Bible keeps mentioning helping the poor and welcoming strangers—two things Trump policies actively fight against. Maybe someone finally told him Jesus wasn’t a fan of golden towers and mass deportations.
In Haiti, Trump’s Foreign Aid Cuts – A Gift to the Gangs
Haiti’s collapse is accelerating, thanks in part to Trump’s war on foreign aid. Armed gangs are thriving, because why stabilize a country when you can just let crime flourish, create another migration crisis, and then fearmonger your way into another election cycle? It’s like a tragic, slow-motion car crash that he keeps calling ‘strategy.’
Justice Department Fires Immigration Judges – Solving Backlogs by Making Them Worse
The immigration case backlog is at a historic high, so naturally, Trump’s DOJ fired multiple judges. Because fewer judges obviously means faster processing, right? Maybe they’re hoping immigrants will just get tired of waiting and leave on their own. Genius.
Media Creators Are Struggling – No Taylor Swift Drama, No Content
In a true national crisis, content creators are in a rut. Taylor Swift isn’t on tour, hasn’t broken up with anyone, and has been photographed leaving every restaurant in America. With the Grammys and Super Bowl over, influencers are left scrambling for anything to write about. It’s a dark time for those who rely on her life to create clickbait.
So
Nuclear safety workers? Gone. Christianity? Allegedly under attack. Haiti? Spiraling. Immigration courts? Gutted. And the biggest tragedy of all—media creators left adrift in a Taylor Swift vacuum.
Stay tuned for more fun as we continue our slow-motion descent into madness. Until next time, keep your irony meters calibrated and your expectations low.
