Firing the Competent, Hiring the Compliant: A Masterclass in Stupidity

Time to check in for the latest episode of “Let’s Gut the Government,” starring none other than Donald “You’re Fired” Trump and his sidekick, Elon “Efficiency Expert” Musk. In their quest to streamline the federal workforce, they’ve decided that well-educated, well-trained, patriotic citizens are just too darn competent for their liking. Instead, they’re rolling out the red carpet for untrained, unvetted, naive enthusiasts eager to execute the will of their leader, legality be damned.

Take, for instance, the recent move to dismantle the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID).

Because who needs an agency dedicated to combating hunger, disease, and poverty worldwide? Clearly, those overachievers at USAID were just making the rest of the government look bad. Now, with their operations halted and budgets slashed, these do-gooders might take their talents elsewhere—perhaps to international organizations or foreign governments that actually value humanitarian efforts. Imagine the irony when former USAID employees start bolstering the very global initiatives that the administration deems unnecessary.

And let’s not forget the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), another prime target on the chopping block. After all, clean air and water are so overrated. As the EPA faces significant downsizing, its scientists and environmental experts might find a warm welcome in private sector companies or non-profits focused on sustainability. Or better yet, they could join international environmental organizations, contributing to global efforts to combat climate change—efforts that the current administration seems intent on ignoring.

But wait, there’s more! The Office of Personnel Management (OPM) has been offering federal employees a “deferred resignation” program, allowing them to resign effective September 30, 2025, while continuing to receive pay and benefits until then.

It’s like a game show where the prize is your own severance package. Of course, this unprecedented move has been met with confusion and concern, as employees weigh the risks of losing benefits and job security against the uncertainty of staying aboard a sinking ship.

In the grand tradition of replacing seasoned professionals with eager novices, the administration has been installing young, inexperienced aides into key government positions.

Because who better to navigate the complexities of federal bureaucracy than a recent high school graduate? It’s a bold strategy, Cotton; let’s see if it pays off.

As these well-qualified federal employees are shown the door, one can’t help but wonder where they’ll end up. Perhaps in the private sector, where their expertise will be valued and their contributions rewarded. Or maybe in academia, educating the next generation on the importance of effective governance. Wherever they go, their departure will undoubtedly leave a void filled by those whose primary qualification is unwavering loyalty to the leader.

In the end, this grand experiment in government efficiency may achieve the opposite of its intended effect, as the loss of experienced professionals leads to decreased effectiveness and increased chaos. But hey, at least we’ll have a leaner, meaner bureaucracy—staffed by individuals who may not know what they’re doing, but are more than willing to do as they’re told.