Krotchett – Mimeographed copies of several emails taken from Santa Claus’s personal email server indicate that efforts were made to hide an apparent break-in to the official North Pole Naughty or Nice list. This list has been used by Santa and his elves for centuries to determine who received welcomed presents or the proverbial lump of coal. According to sources connected to the House Sub Committee on Yuletide Shenanigans, it appears that the list was used to influence voters by threatening to reveal their childhood histories of naughty deeds in an effort to elect Donald Trump.
“The last time we had anyone try to get to the list was in 1913 when British explorer Robert Scott inadvertently went to the wrong pole. While there were suspicions that he was on a secret mission for then revolutionary leader and later Russian dictator Lenin, it was never proven.
“This latest revelation carries much more weight,” says Kris Kringle, spokesperson for North Pole Holiday Enterprises, the LLC that has been managing Santa Claus’s Christmas present deployment operations since the late 1940s. As a result of the possibility that this blackmail scenario may have affected the outcome of the 2016 election, we are looking back at all childhood behaviors.”
It is possible that if voters are found to be victims of Russian blackmail, Santa Claus will be instructed to deposit any and all of their remaining coal at the doorsteps of the White House. This operation may require extra sleigh and reindeer. Stay tuned.